


nvu

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Gen, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-09
Updated: 2010-02-09
Packaged: 2019-01-30 21:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12661572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: The circle of influence continues on.





	nvu

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

(Envy You)

All it takes is one statement, one pitying look and one patronizing tone, and suddenly nothing is as good as it used to be anymore.

Kame does it to Kusano on a Monday. Both with sparkles and feathers but a blatant contrast in light, the dark mystery of KAT-TUN versus the dazzling brightness of NewS, even if the two extremes were closer back then than they are now. Kame watches Kusano with his group, with his active leader who spoils him and motivates him to do his best, the others who praise his talent and ask for his help with their own dancing and singing.

KAT-TUN hasn’t even debuted yet but they’ve been together longer, _too_ long if you asked Kame. Except that nobody asks Kame anything, particularly the other members of his group. With no leader comes no structure, all of them screaming to be heard until someone (usually Nakamaru) reluctantly finds a compromise that pleases them. Although Kame suspects that the others only go along with it because they actually like Nakamaru and don’t want him to pull his hair out, because that’s definitely his own reasoning behind finally giving in.

These past four years have taught Kame how to be independent, to work without supervision and strive on his own success. He thinks about Ueda (or anyone) complimenting his performance and almost laughs at the thought, imagines the discomfort that would follow and the inevitable teasing from Jin and Koki. He almost expects them to pick apart his dancing and singing like a pack of hungry wolves, every time, pointing out every single flaw and giving unsolicited advice on how to fix it for next time.

If anything, KAT-TUN has turned Kame into a perfectionist. Even in the years that follow, he hears their voices in the back of his mind with every solo, every drama, every season of Dream Boys where at least half of his determination comes out of spite for those guys who never seemed to be satisfied. The guys who gradually stopped berating him not because he had finally pleased them but because they weren’t concerned with him anymore.

The Kame of 2010 would tell the Kame of 2004 to enjoy the attention while it lasts, you ungrateful brat, but the Kame of 2004 is more concerned with comparing himself to the youngest of NewS, who doesn’t seem to have to try for anyone’s approval and oozes perfection with every note and step.

To say he’s jealous would be an understatement. Even if the younger man looks up to _him_ , calls him ‘senpai’ despite debuting first, and tells anyone who will listen how cool Kame is and brags about knowing him. All Kame can do is smile because the one person who cares what he thinks is the one who shouldn’t, the one who is already flawless in his own right and secure in his talents.

“Stop fucking around,” Kame tells him on Monday. “You don’t take anything seriously.”

Two years later, it’s proven true.

*

Kusano does it to Kame on a Friday. Three years after his untimely departure, coincidentally three years after KAT-TUN’s debut, Kusano returns from New York and finds himself becoming one of the Akanishi Troops. He loiters around town and infiltrates the VIP section at the clubs, becoming closer to Jin due to the American connection. They reminisce and compare, speaking in English and bonding in ways that Kusano can’t do with any of his old friends, even Yamapi. Even Kame.

He moves back in with his mom and enrolls in university, picking up where he left off and starting over again at the same time. He’s not sure what he’s going to do but he knows he’s not going back, he’s not _welcome_ back even if they haven’t officially let him go. “We’ll call you,” but Kusano’s not holding his breath.

After all this time, he doubts he fits in anyway. While he’s been away, changed, grown up, the world he used to know seems to have stayed the same. Kusano’s not sure if he could go back to being that person he once was, the young, bratty instigator who sang like an angel and danced like a girl.

He doesn’t even remember that person anymore; three years is a long time when you’re twenty-one. Another reason he can relate to Jin, who also seems to have made a transformation somewhere along the way. Yamapi’s still the same, but Kusano wouldn’t have him any other way. Yamapi is like the home he wants to come back to over and over again, the pleasant reminder of the boy he once was who became the man he is now.

It’s inevitable that he would run into Kame again, he couldn’t avoid him forever, although nothing could have prepared him for the stinging resentment he feels when he lays eyes on the face he can never forget. Stone expression, emotionless, the air of a diva who has become accustomed to his lifestyle and comfortable in his success.

Kusano hates him upon sight. He hates him because he hates himself for once revering him, hanging on his every word and striving to be like him. The fame goggles have long since been ripped off and Kusano has seen the real world for what it is, scary and intimidating while at the same time more inspirational than any idol. The desire to succeed, to be someone, it means so much more on this side of the stage, shining for himself instead of everyone else.

From what Kusano has seen since he’s been back, Kame has resigned his life to pleasing others. While Yamapi’s true passion shows in every word he sings and Jin is _still_ trying to figure out how to express himself, Kame is like a doll in the way he’s programmed to move, sing, and speak. Kusano watches him perform and is equally as unimpressed as Kame himself, Mr. Fanservice who lives and breathes adoration from his everyone who matters. The youngest of his group who never got in trouble, who was always supported by his fans and given many chances to further increase his already-insane popularity.

To say that Kusano’s jealous would be an understatement. He can’t even look at Kame without seething, seeing himself in the elder’s place and filling that empty shell of a man with an abundance of emotions that he probably hasn’t experienced in years. The Kame who laughs politely while the others mock him, who shows no remorse as Kusano looks at him in disappointment because at the very least, he thought that Kame might still have enough of his personality to give a shit about an old friend who doesn’t contribute to his ratings.

“I’m glad you’ve found your place in the world,” Kusano tells him on Friday.

Kame’s too preoccupied to notice that he’s being insulted. At least, that’s all he lets Kusano see.

*

The truth is, either one of them would switch places with the other. In a heartbeat.


End file.
